27 janvier 2009
A very out of place feelingSo, it is Chinese New Year yet again.
Last year when I went visiting with my parents, it was a very quiet affair, not that I minded though. It was just nice that there wasn't any other relatives at my grandma's place and all I had to do was to sit there for a while, make small talk with my uncle and then proceed to my friend's place for Mahjong.
Sad to say, this year it was the direct opposite. I got a huge shock when there were so many pairs of shoes outside the house when we arrived. It was just so "fortunate" that everyone had decided to come at the time I chosen. That's when I started feeling so out of place. It was weird having to force out smiles and pretending to be so close and friendly, when obviously I hadn't seem them for eons. It got even worse when people started askin what I am doing now, and with my married cousins starting to distribute ang pows around. Yah, and so I was like one of the more senior ones who were still recieving ang pows and not giving them.
Luckily, I must have had a fierce scowl on my face, because no one dared ask me the condemned questions, even though I overheard them asking my younger cousins, haha!
Still, I just feel very out of place. Frankly, I don't exactly like Chinese New Year, because I feel that we are not really celebrating it anymore, but just for formality's sake. Why do we only bother to ask about each other during Chinese New Year when we have the entire year to do so, and yet cannot be bothered? Why do we only smile and make small talks during this day, when there were other important occasions and no one bothered turning up? I don't see why we should follow "trends" and just do things for formality's sake when deep down in our hearts, no one is really keen on the festival, but more on doing up a good show.
If I can have things my way, maybe I won't be celebrating Chinese New Year next year. In fact, all I want to do for Chinese New Year is just to have a good rest and perhaps gamble a bit here and there. Or maybe even better still, I should go for a short trip during the season. Immerse myself in places where people really celebrate the festival, where I can still sense the spirit of Chinese New Year...
2:52 PM。。。書いていました。
