15 avril 2008
There are just times when exhaustion kicks in, and one simply feels like keeping mum, not talking to anyone, either online or offline.
It doesn't mean anything more than just the simple desire to be left alone.
And that's how I usually feel after a long day of work. What appears to people as a slack life might not be the real picture, because afterall no one knows it better than the protagonist. We can always paint bright cheery pictures, but deep inside, no one knows what the real picture is. It could be bleak or dreadful, but no one important enough needs to know as yet.
Personally, I am a rather private person. I don't like people to intrude to my life or know me too well. I always believe there's an extent to how much one can know another person, and how much one should know another person. Why should we always try to know everything about someone else, when all our lives, we might not even fully know ourselves? Hence I never looked to the idea of letting people know everything about me, nor attempt to tell anyone all about me. I prefer the idea of keeping to myself, and not to simply open up completely. I don't see the need for it, not even to my family or a boyfriend. If they cannot love me enough for what they see I am, then I can only say "too bad", but no, I don't see why we should make compromises just to achieve something. Compromises will somehow be compromised as days go by and when all the tolerance has weaned off, what's left will simply be endless rounds of quarrels and maybe the goodbye wave.
Time goes by really fast, another 1.5 months more and I can begin my one year countdown to the end of my bond. Have seriously considered the option of furthering my studies, and am still very keen on it. I think I have worked enough to want to go back to study. There are times when you hit a bottleneck, when you feel that what you are doing might not be what suits you best or what you do best. Times when one starts questioning his/her abilities, times when one stops and ponder... "Is this really what I should do?" It's when all the "what if"s start streaming in, and there suddenly seem to have many options opened up. Nonetheless, I still have a long way to go before my bond ends, meaning a long way to go before I need to make my final decision.
I always liked this particular phrase... "Whatever wills, whatever comes".
8:54 PM。。。書いていました。
